The Top 10 Ways Babies are Like Aliens
AUTHOR: Jody Wallace

After 4 months as a mommy, I am not full of advice about how one can keep up with housework, creative work, day jobs, night jobs or the rest of one?s family in the aftermath of bringing a new life into this world. In fact, I?d say I was in dire need of advice myself -- or better yet, a friendly housekeeper with a little Mary Poppins in her genetic makeup. But, as a reader and writer of SFRs, there are a few pertinent things I have noticed about human babies I?d like to share with you. The following is a list of the top ten ways human babies are like various extraterrestrials.

10) Babies move in jerky, mysterious ways, like an alien might if suddenly catapulted into human form after being a gaseous space explorer for most of its life.

9) Babies often get diaper rash in a pattern that strangely resembles crop circles on their productive little heineys.

8) In the tradition of ?Mars Needs Women,? there are certain aspects of the human female that babies just ADORE, if you know what I mean.

7) Like the stereotypical aliens of mass media, babies have huge heads on little bodies.

6) When babies smile, laugh and look about the room while deeply asleep, it?s very alien.

5) When babies stare creepily at things with no expression on their faces while quite awake, it?s very alien.

4) Like an alien would be, babies seem puzzled by the ways of humankind.

3) Babies do not speak any known human language -- until they learn it from the tv.

2) Two words: projectile vomit.

And the Number One way Babies are like Aliens:

1) Babies, like our dear hypothetical aliens, haven?t yet figured out what is tasty to put in their mouths and what is not.