The Top 10 Ways Babies are Like Vampires
AUTHOR: Jody Wallace

I am sensing a theme here. One would think I didn?t even like being a mommy! Like last month?s column relating babies to aliens, it has occurred to me that babies are also quite a bit like vampires. The following is a list of the top ten ways tiny human tots are like Nosferatu.

10) Many babies can accurately be defined as creatures of the night.

9) Ok, maybe this isn?t the babies, but parents of new babies often feel like the walking dead -- or like all the life has been drained out of them.

8) If you look at them in a twisted kind of way, cribs and bassinets are designed like lidless coffins.

7a) Babies can turn into bats. Ok, not really.

7b) When overcome by the irresistible urge to feed, babies will chew anything handy. Vampires are often described as having a similarly overriding hunger.

6) Babies tend to exert an irresistible -- one might say seductive -- appeal over humans, human females in particular.

5) Many babies wear the guise of ordinary human beings but in reality they are little monsters!

4) Babies, like many vampires, require human assistants, though they are more commonly called ?mama? and ?dada?, not Renfield.

3) Babies find it quite humorous when you pretend to bite their necks. My guess is vampires would, too.

2) Babies exist best on an all-liquid diet manufactured by a human body.

And the Number One way Babies are like Vampires:

1) Babies, like vampires, have great sucking needs.